I am white
my skin reddens
showing my weakness
my vulnerability under the sun
It hurts, that you can’t see me
It hurts, that you don’t see me
It hurts, that you won’t see me
all life I watched
and I waited for you
for an explanation
for the world to make sense
but you passed me by
It hurts, that you never lied to me
It hurts, that you never told me the truth
It hurts, that you always say your sorry
I was a ghost
in your life, and now mine
watching you die over and over
your blood is my blood
your life is my life
It hurts, that I never mattered
It hurts, that you I wasn’t your choice
It hurts, that I was expected
It hurts so much
this existence
this life
I hear it outside
and my heart races
my need to hide
to keep away
to stay safe
will not be denied
and my chest hurts
and my legs shake
It hurts so much
why can't you understand
why do I feel
that it's my fault
in here is safer
in here there is only me
so don't push me
beyond
because there is nowhere
beyond the rainbow
I will simply
be gone
The day overwhelms me as the sun rises,
chasing away the night.
It brings a harsh light that burns me
defacing my skin
that has no defense against it
leaving it spotted and irradiated
and i'm exhausted already
because nothing can fix it
except to stay out of it's rays
stay out of it's light
(that consumes my own)
and hope that it's not cancer
yet my light dims as it struggles
my hope has dwindled to existence
maybe tomorrow I won't hurt
maybe tomorrow I'll find solace
maybe tomorrow I'll want to wake up
the light brings the day
and brings to light the forsworn
the promises broken
the lies kept
the little white nothings
that make nothing be
I am white
my skin reddens
showing my weakness
my vulnerability under the sun
It hurts, that you can’t see me
It hurts, that you don’t see me
It hurts, that you won’t see me
all life I watched
and I waited for you
for an explanation
for the world to make sense
but you passed me by
It hurts, that you never lied to me
It hurts, that you never told me the truth
It hurts, that you always say your sorry
I was a ghost
in your life, and now mine
watching you die over and over
your blood is my blood
your life is my life
It hurts, that I never mattered
It hurts, that you I wasn’t your choice
It hurts, that I was expected
It hurts so much
this existence
this life
I hear it outside
and my heart races
my need to hide
to keep away
to stay safe
will not be denied
and my chest hurts
and my legs shake
It hurts so much
why can't you understand
why do I feel
that it's my fault
in here is safer
in here there is only me
so don't push me
beyond
because there is nowhere
beyond the rainbow
I will simply
be gone
The day overwhelms me as the sun rises,
chasing away the night.
It brings a harsh light that burns me
defacing my skin
that has no defense against it
leaving it spotted and irradiated
and i'm exhausted already
because nothing can fix it
except to stay out of it's rays
stay out of it's light
(that consumes my own)
and hope that it's not cancer
yet my light dims as it struggles
my hope has dwindled to existence
maybe tomorrow I won't hurt
maybe tomorrow I'll find solace
maybe tomorrow I'll want to wake up
the light brings the day
and brings to light the forsworn
the promises broken
the lies kept
the little white nothings
that make nothing be
I saw you today,
(on your tumbler,
on your Facebook,
on your wall)
but
(I didn't reblog
I didn't hit "like")
I didn't say "hi"
because I'm unable to reach out
(to click,
to type)
because I believe,
(you want what you reblog
you want what you "like"
You're ashamed of me, on your wall)
that I'm not worthy.
Its been a while since I've been here. I've been focusing on trying to get whole of my depression. That has turned into figuring out all the pieces of that:agoraphobia, PTSD, borderline personality disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and major depression reoccurring. Being able to break it down has been helpfull.
On the creative side I've been a sloth. I started a sculpture. I've been working on story ideas. I'm trying to decide how much "alternate universe" is too much "au". I think I've settled a bit on that which means I've two stories bouncing in my head.
I've been lonley but my desire has been to get into nature. There isn't alot o